I'm Closer to Where I Started, Chasing After You
by LittleMissBones
Summary: Everything has an end, except for their relationship, that is. Fifty moments between Sarah Jane Smith and her beloved Doctor. Doctor/Sarah Jane, one-shot.


**A/N**: My extremely belated tribute to the amazing Elisabeth Sladen, who we lost too soon. Rest in Peace, darling Sarah Jane. I originally intended for this to focus on Sarah Jane and Four, but really, she's shipable with all her Doctors, so my brain went there. It's mainly focused on Four/Sarah and Ten/Sarah. Written for the 1sentence livejournal community challenge, theme set Delta.

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><p><strong>Air<br>**Sarah takes his breath away when she's traveling with him, she really does, and it usually takes the Doctor about five minutes to realize the only reason why he hasn't turned blue and fainted is because of his respiratory bypass.

**Apples  
><strong>"How can you eat these things?" the Doctor sputters as he throws the remnants of his apple outside the TARDIS doors; Sarah Jane just laughs and takes another bite of hers.

**Beginning  
><strong>He met her as Lavinia and she met him as John; looking back now their mutual aliases were the perfect start to their adventures.

**Bugs  
><strong>"I bloody _hate_ caterpillars," Sarah squeals as she hides behind the Doctor while he's trying to introduce her to the leader of Arakanna IV, and he ends up getting another thing to add to his long list of things about her that he loves.

**Coffee  
><strong>"If you think I'm going to spend my time making cups of coffee for you, forge-" (and yet, that's almost exactly what she ended up doing, not counting saving the universe fifty times over and falling in love with a blue-eyed, scarf-loving, time traveling alien.)

**Dark  
><strong>He's been in dark places before, places where he hasn't had any hope whatsoever, but he's always pulled out of it and gone on; after he finds out about Sarah Jane's death he knows that this is one hole he will never be able to get himself out of.

**Despair  
><strong>No matter what happens, no matter how deep in the depths of despair she is, Sarah Jane knows one thing for sure: her scarf-addicted Doctor will move Heaven and Earth to save her, and she is incredibly grateful for that.

**Doors  
><strong>The Doctor has opened her up to so much, all these times and places unlocking hidden doors in her mind, and Sarah can only hope that she'll do the same for him.

**Drink  
><strong>"Alcohol is overrated," Sarah Jane groans as she stumbles back to the TARDIS in the Doctor's arms; all the Doctor can think about how so damn cute she is when she's drunk.

**Duty  
><strong>While it _may_ be Sarah Jane Smith's duty to investigate strange happenings in the world and it _may _be her duty to call on either Harry or the Brigadier or the entirety of UNIT whenever something crazy happens, everybody knows that her real duty is to keep the Doctor safe, and she does a damn good job of it too.

**Earth  
><strong>This 'new' Doctor protects Earth wholeheartedly and with the happiness of a child, the Brigadier thinks as he watches the man race through UNIT Headquarters with Harry and Sarah Jane, but he also has an inkling that if the wee brunette spitfire wasn't around he wouldn't be as willing to do so.

**End  
><strong>"Everything has an end," Sarah Jane reminds as she leaves him with Mickey and Rose, but her Doctor always has a way of making sure their relationship withstands the test of time.

**Fall  
><strong>Their crux is getting into all sorts of trouble together, although neither of them expected the biggest one to be falling in love with the other person.

**Fire  
><strong>Her eyes burst into flames when she's arguing with him, and the Doctor can only stare into them and be consumed.

**Flexible  
><strong>There are times when she cursed her decision to become a freelance journalist and only investigate whatever she wishes, the instability of the work giving her pause; after realizing that the Doctor works on his own (or the TARDIS') timetable she's pretty happy that her schedule is flexible.

**Flying  
><strong>She's sailing through the stars, the entirety of time and space and the universe at her fingertips, and if it wasn't for her eccentric Doctor she would still be living her boring life on Earth.

**Food  
><strong>They usually have to stop somewhere to eat right after another of their misadventures, but the Doctor never understands why _he _eats when the only thing he actually needs to survive is her.

**Foot  
><strong>It's only when he requests that they return to Antarctica that she puts her foot down to an adventure, because really, despite his being all high-and-mighty about Time Lord imperviousness to cold, she knows he was just making a show for her.

**Grave  
><strong>The Doctor doesn't know why the TARDIS spontaneously whisks him off to 2011 and a pretty little cemetery right outside of London right after he lets her go; when he sees the brand-new grave marked _Sarah Jane Smith_ it's all he can do to stop himself from returning to her and begging her to stay with him, to live.

**Green  
><strong>The Doctor's favorite color on Sarah is green because it's so _her_, happiness and new life and adventure, and it's a shame that she doesn't wear it more often.

**Head  
><strong>The Doctor may be the brains of this operation, but Sarah Jane is the heart, and it's no wonder that she's stolen both of his.

**Hollow  
><strong>The emptiness, when she's gone, is unbearable; when she unwittingly finds him 30-odd years later that hollow void that consumed him is gone.

**Honor  
><strong>The Doctor always respects her wishes and Sarah is always thankful for that; when he abandons her in bloody Aberdeen she wishes that he'll screw a Time Lord's honor and come back to get her.

**Hope  
><strong>_There is no hope_, Sarah Jane is reminded as she walks through the decimated village with no chance of escape, but then she thinks of her Doctor and…_no, there has to be some if he came here_.

**Light  
><strong>It's so airy, when she laughs, almost like a light coming down and brightening every single one of her features, and the Doctor just has to pause at whatever he's doing and stare at his own personal angel.

**Lost  
><strong>Of course Harry will forever carry his little torch for Sarah Jane, the eternal hope that she'll return what he feels for her, but he knows well enough that she lost her heart and soul long ago to a curly-haired alien and his magical blue box.

**Metal  
><strong>It's a shock when she trips over the tin box sitting on her doorstop as she steps out for work; when K-9 awakens to her sotto swearing and happily chirps _Good morning_,_ mistress_, Sarah Jane knows with a smile that somewhere out there her crazy space alien is still looking after her.

**New  
><strong>He's been looking at the universe through these old lenses for so long, so it's incredibly refreshing to look at all of the trouble they've gotten into through young, hopeful, inexperienced eyes.

**Old  
><strong>The Doctor is supposedly 'ancient' and 'incredibly wise', or so everyone says, but the way he lights up when the TARDIS misfires and sends them to some long-forgotten civilization instead of the beach vacation she was hoping for reminds her so much of a young child.

**Peace  
><strong>_Something's not right here_, Sarah thinks right after she realizes that this is her afterlife; as she glances down at her poor, tortured Doctor, she realizes that if she wants to find peace before she moves on, she's going to have to help him find his own.

**Poison  
><strong>The Doctor infects her blood with the constant thirst for adventure and saving the world; and never mind that she'll never receive the antidote (not that she would accept it if she did).

**Pretty  
><strong>"Never mind what they think of you, Sarah," he tells her as she scowls at the haughty alien females, "you'll always be the prettiest girl in the galaxy to me."

**Rain  
><strong>The storm hits them unexpectedly and they dash back to the TARDIS half-soaked and chilled to the bone; once they get inside and look at each other, all frazzled and drenched, it's all they can do to keep from laughing (neither one succeeds).

**Regret  
><strong>Time Lords don't have regrets, or at least shouldn't have them; but if there is one thing the Doctor does regret it'll always be never telling Sarah Jane exactly how he felt about her, and never knowing that she regrets the exact same thing.

**Roses  
><strong>He buys her flowers just once to say he's sorry for being a jerk; the way her eyes light up and how she toys with his scarf (stands much closer to him) after he gives her the roses makes him think he should apologize to her more often.

**Secret  
><strong>The way he gets dodgy about Gallifrey; how he refuses to answer even the most basic questions about himself or any other Time Lord he knows of; all of these secrets make Sarah Jane wonder just what else the Doctor is hiding.

**Snakes  
><strong>Their path twists and winds together, like that of a snake, and both of them know it's either going to end up with one of them in the jaws of the beast or the head of the damn thing chopped off.

**Snow  
><strong>The Doctor watches as Sarah takes in the snow falling around her, twirling like a small child, and at that moment he realizes there is more than one kind of 'snow angel'.

**Solid  
><strong>What they have is unshakable and constant; they can at least be thankful for that small blessing as the world constantly changes.

**Spring  
><strong>In his old body he was so crotchety and morose, but Sarah brought him out of his shell and back to life; maybe that's why his new body was so young, so he could keep up with her as she sprang along to another adventure.

**Stable  
><strong>It all makes sense in the end: Sarah was his rock, his shining light, the one who believed in him when nobody else could; now that she's gone the Doctor has the sinking feeling that it's going to go downhill from here.

**Strange  
><strong>Neither the Doctor nor Sarah Jane ever quite figured it out what attracted them to each other, but the strange butterfly feeling they got in their stomachs every time they glanced at each other when the other wasn't looking gave them the sense that it wasn't just a mutual aptitude for adventure.

**Summer  
><strong>Sarah Jane is warmth, she is sunlight and radiance, and the Doctor can't help but wonder what the hell he was doing before she burst into his life.

**Taboo  
><strong>Falling in love with a creature of another species was strictly forbidden on Gallifrey, especially to Time Lords; now as he watched over Sarah Jane peacefully sleeping the Doctor cursed the ancient laws that governed his heart.

**Ugly  
><strong>The situation on Gallifrey is ugly and no place for someone as delicate as Sarah Jane, especially because she is human and would probably be torn to shreds the moment they landed, yes, that's a good excuse for him abandoning her in the middle of Scotland with nothing but the clothes on her back and the memories in her head.

**War  
><strong>He fights the Time War, ends it by making his home disappear out of the sky forever, but as long as he can keep his beloved Earth (Sarah Jane) safe it'll forever be worth it.

**Water  
><strong>The purity of her love for him (which he only feels when he has to probe her mind on the rare occasion) washes over him like a baptism; and sometimes, the memories of that is the only thing that keeps him sane.

**Welcome  
><strong>The Doctor's at her doorstep, _again_, tracking mud into her neat little house while the kids chatter excitedly and his new companion gives her a puzzled once-over, but no matter what trouble he gets into he will always be a happy addition to Sarah Jane's household.

**Winter  
><strong>He often looks back on them during the 'winter' of his thirteenth life, at Susan and Barbara and Dodo and Jo and Leela and Romana and Grace and Rose and Martha and Donna and Amy and River and all of his other girls, and yet one thing stands out every time: _she_, the little journalist from South Croyden, was the best.

**Wood  
><strong>They burn his body like all Time Lords are when they die, but he doesn't even look back on the crackling wood; the only thing he can focus on is her sparkling eyes and laugh as she runs towards him, and when she wraps him up in her arms he finally realizes he's exactly where he's supposed to be:

_home_.


End file.
